As I was growing up, my parents imparted a lot of raw honesty to me, which led me to understand the world in a very realistic way. The world that my parents were showing me was not a perfect, happy, fair world, but rather a world where you had to ask questions, be wary and careful and a world in which you constructed your own happiness. In this world, hard work paid off, there were no excuses and every action was accounted for. If something was not done quite right, you knew. If your new creative endeavour required more brainstorming, you knew. When you decided to pursue a career as a musician, you were very honestly warned about the difficulty of the profession and the difficulty of earning a steady income. These were the direct facts I was faced with throughout my life.
My parents were young when I was born, and they were learning many things as I grew up. At every age, they treated me as an adult. I was part of the team, the three of us were a team, growing up together, learning, working and facing difficulties together. My parents were always super honest with me, truthfully explained things to me and expected me to be mature enough to understand. I was learning life by living, I was not sheltered, and I was aware and understanding of my environment.
I remember being very young when I first understood the concept of being frugal. Frugal thinking became a subconscious thought, informing my outlook on day-to-day life and the decisions within it. I had learned to look for the price tag on things.
Even though we didn’t have a lot of money, which made things a little difficult for my family, my parents did a really great job of teaching me that money is dirt and it’s nothing to be obsessed with and aim for. I was shown by example and learned through experience how money was earned, going with my dad on Wednesday nights to clean the church hall and bathrooms when I was 12. I saved up enough money to buy myself a laptop. I gained comfort through the uncomfortable, and my confidence to face different situations and different people, increased.
Throughout my childhood I loved to build and create things from scratch; toothbrush robots, duct tape wallets, various things from scrap wood, drawings, etc. But I had little patience, and so most of my projects started with lots of control and good pacing, and then I would begin to rush, (because I was getting tired of how long it was taking), try to speed up the process and keep working until it was finished. The problem with running out of patience and rushing through projects is that the quality is not great… So I remember multiple times showing my parents the things I was making and they would always say, “it’s a great idea, but you rushed so it’s not well made!” I was always a little discouraged with these comments because I had put time into working on these things. But these comments made me consider my future projects and how I could do a better job. They forced me to plan more, take my time, and enjoy the process.
All of the above were ways that my parents trained me to be resilient to my environment, work hard and stay focused on my goals. They taught me to stand up for myself, continue to believe, dream and take action. They continue to teach me, care for me and support me, and I am very grateful for them.
Camp Veselka was my second home where I spent all of my summers from age nine until 22. The Ukrainian orthodox community members who choose to invest time there do it for very genuine reasons, and you can feel it. Every summer I looked forward to spending two weeks in the open air surrounded by amazing people. While still a camper, I became really interested in the jobs that the counsellors had to do, and remember telling myself at 11 or 12 that I wanted to be a counsellor when I was old enough and then I wanted to become a camp director.
A few years later, while I was working as a counsellor and later program director, I learned many things about personalities and idiosyncrasies and how pure and full of life all children are. I learned how kind they could be and how after two weeks of being together we became a family, and cared for each other and showed each other kindness. This became extremely evident after an activity that we do at the end of every camp session, called “Warm and Fuzzy”. The campers line up, and on each of their backs, we tape a blank sheet of paper with their name at the top and hand them a marker. When everyone is ready, we walk around and write short, anonymous, kind messages on everyone’s back. Then we collect all the papers after about an hour, without letting the kids see them. Before they go to sleep that evening, we hand out the “Warm and Fuzzy” papers and give the kids time to read them. It’s beautiful to read what wonderful things the kids write to each other. They truly do get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside, just before going off to sleep. (The ease of this activity makes me wonder why we can’t do this consistently in our lives, day to day with the people around us.)
My other favourite thing at camp was when we sat around the campfire to eat dinner and play some games. The kids always try to pile on one or two picnic tables, sitting thigh to thigh, while the other tables sit empty. They want to be together; they want to feel connected to their wonderful community. In the air you can sense the feeling of togetherness and of connection, sharing blankets, the oversized sweaters they lend each other, the bag of sunflower seeds they are passing around, the laughter, the smiles and the warmth. A similar sense of togetherness was present when we piled on the floor of the arts and crafts cabin, to watch a movie projected on a white bed sheet, while it’s still light out, so we would cover the windows with black garbage bags, to make the projection a little easier to see. Sharing popcorn and snacks, singing along to the music, and saying the dialogue altogether.
A few times throughout my years working as a counsellor, I remember coming back into my cabin around 1 am after my night off, and finding about four campers asleep on my bed, with cards, snacks, a movie, etc. I didn’t want to wake them, so I had to sleep on a random empty bed! Three of these people were my counsellors for the last two years that I worked as a program director. They are my family, and I am super lucky to have seen them grow up, and to watch them continue to grow, accomplish their goals and change the world with their talents.
Pani Halya was an essential part of the camp organism. She was a person who said very little, and although she was always calm, collected and gentle, her words had massive weight and importance. Pani Halya was the camp administrator for a very long time, and prior to that, a program director, counsellor and camper. She had been with the camp her whole life, and it was beautiful. Even when I was a 13-year-old camper, running around like a chicken without a head, she had a conversation with me and told me that I would make a great counsellor. This reassurance gave me confidence, purpose, and encouraged me to pursue my goal of working at the camp. Then, when I did become a counsellor, Pani Halya told me that she could see me being a good program director. And once again this reinforced my goal and ambition to become a program director. Pani Halya was a wonderful person, someone who was always there for you. I am very lucky to have known, learned from and been guided by her. Always in my thoughts, thank you Pani Halya.
The ability to think outside of yourself and about others, like Pani Halya always did, is actually physically impossible for a teenage brain! The neural connections needed for that level of thinking don’t develop until later. It’s hard to manage yourself, to make sure you remember to pack a lunch and do your homework and remember everything, while also not doing things that will leave you with a broken leg, etc.
My band teacher in high school was always pushing us to think about the concept of community, helping others and working together. Especially before a concert. I remember early in our grade 9 year, Stein left about 20min of time at the end of a class close to our first band concert, to give us a demonstration of how to properly wrap audio cables. He made us all practice so that we knew how to do it properly for the next four years of high school band concerts. He would create a plan for who was setting things up and who would help take things down at concerts (mostly because he didn’t want to be stuck setting up and taking down all of the concert band equipment himself on a Thursday night near the end of the semester; very understandable). But this obvious shove to think of others and be helpful was not all he did, the way he spoke with students and teachers on a daily basis made it obvious that he is always willing to help however he can. And he does. From tutoring math to students during his lunch break to writing too many recommendation letters, he was and still is always ready to help. Stein really showed us what it meant to act selflessly and help others.
Among other things, Mr. Steinhilber also taught me how to properly order at McDonald’s; 1x Junior Chicken, 1x Cheeseburger, Medium Fries, Medium Ice Tea. The junior chicken and cheeseburger are a little more substantial of a meal than a big mac and also cost less. He also disclosed to me the secret of wrapping steak with aluminium foil after taking it off the grill, to allow the juiciness to lock in the flavour and keep the beef soft. Luckily, I was also able to acquire the recipe of the absolutely soft and buttery chocolate chip cookies that Mr. Steinhilber would bring to our band potlucks and really early rehearsals.
At the end of the four years, Stein became like an uncle to me, he was my best friend. And like all friends, we had our moment. One time near the end of high school, when I was figuring out my trumpet part while he was talking, he lost all patience, and yelled out “you’re such a shit disturber!”. It made sense, I laughed, and managed to not play while he was talking for the rest of the class.
While still in high school, I had the pleasure of working with Professor Jon Gordon. Before meeting him, I had heard rumours that Jon was as New York as they get, direct, ruthless and tough. I experienced these things in the first few rehearsals of jazz collective with him. He was super focused and dedicated to every minute of the rehearsal. He expected us to be prepared, think fast on the spot, and make “Errors of commission rather than omission”. He explains the difference in the culture he noticed when he moved to Canada: “At the start of my time in Manitoba I saw there was a lot of shyness and fear of doing the wrong thing. But better to do something musically, even if wrong, that others can respond to, rather than waiting for the teacher to end the tune or for someone else to make a decision to save you/the band. And it gets everyone in the band comfortable with being a leader at different times''. Jon always pushes us to keep playing no matter what, keeps us accountable and wants us to take care of business.
Even though Mr. Gordon ran intense rehearsals with an underpinning of sustained pressure, he has this whole other caring parent side. And when he would see us in the hallway looking tired or sick, he would always encourage us to sleep and would give us vitamin C, a protein bar or tea to help us get better. Jon is also an amazing storyteller because he does great impressions of people and he acts out all of the stories he tells, which makes them really engaging. I have heard some of the stories about 10 times, but they are worth listening to again and again especially because of the wonderful theatrics and drama involved.
Jon, as well as my parents, have been tested by life and environment, they have struggled out of vigorous situations and have overcome great adversity. The ability to do this astonishes me, as there are clear examples in the world of people who could not overcome similar things. I believe the advantage they have is mental strength. People can surely be predisposed to mental strength, but I suppose that this ability is acquired through practice, training and experience. This origin idea is similar to that of talent in music. Of course, I believe that some people are more predisposed to music than others, but giving credit to the talent and discounting the effects of practice, training and experience is nonsense. Mental strength, just like physical strength, is built by training and exercising the muscles. The more you exercise the more muscle you will gain. And a belief in this idea could be labelled perseverance.
The vulnerable, sometimes painful, other times ugly value of honesty is exhibited by people who are not fearless, but rather by those who are masters of fear. They are individuals who are comfortable enough with the uncomfortable, to invite fear and learn from it. My parents have been the best teachers of this value.
Most importantly, I admire people who have the capacity to share kindness and joy. These people are special because they learn to generate joy and kindness within. They don't need external input, material possessions, etc. to be happy, they learn to be happy for the sake of happiness. And when these people begin to generate happiness, they are able to share it with others through kindness. This kindness can then be used as tinder to help spark happiness, joy and kindness in the souls of others. People like Pani Halya and Stein have taught me this.
The debate psychologists continue to have is how much a person’s character is determined by genetics and how much by the environment. In my case, I realized that my choices are based on the environment that my wonderful parents and community have provided. These choices will always influence what I create. Because of this, I have learned to keep my ears and eyes open, because there is always something to learn in every moment. I am grateful for all of the experiences and people I have and had in my life. The stories included in this letter are only the tip of the iceberg. There are many more people who have inspired me, taught me and mentored me, that I would like to thank, and acknowledge the contribution they have made to my life. To everyone reading this, I have learned something from you, thank you.
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